“Dear Spaguetti Girl”


Marianella Castro Robles | Buscando Té

As I mentioned in a previous post, I decided to break the lonely routine of being “single by choice” (#SoPathetic) and to work as if I had twelve children. I wanted to make some time to meet an interesting woman. Someone who brings me back the desire for commitment and excitement, someone who amazes me – considering that nothing surprises me now.

(#ForGod’sSake) (#Shit) (#BadLuck) (#ThisIsDefinitelyKarma)

GUESS WHO I RAN INTO? Nothing less than…


A couple of weeks ago, I went to a concert of some talented friends in a small crowded bar in Barranco. While drinking a beer, but wishing for a raspberry iced tea, I could see more people coming in, leaving little space. Suddenly, a beautiful stranger, friend of the band, sat beside me with a big but shy smile (#AndWhatSmile!).

Her warmth eyes could numb anyone, even if that look could reflect all the coffee she would drink the next days of insomnia. She had a carefully messy black hair, black and dark just like when I think of her. She always had a red Marlboro in her incredibly tempting mouth, with bright red lipstick.

That night, I was particularly in a good mood so I stroke up a conversation, maybe being sarcastically funny (or not) – product of being a lightweight!
After answering all the typical questions of a “Slam” -notebook used by kids to ask written questions to their friends-, euphorically applauding our friends and being a clown all night, I took her home around five a.m. I was very confused since she told me she broke up two months ago with HER FOUR YEARS BOYFRIEND.

We arrived, we went upstairs laughing and stumbling, we closed the door and kissed. Wrapped in a kiss where you feel there’s no ground, we caressed each other and made love, as it was a first love. (#YesThatDeep).

Whatsapp alerts started early in the morning, we sent each other pictures of everything we did so we felt closer, smiley faces all over added the touch of excitement to the matter. Our Skype conversations in working hours could melt anyone (including my boss, but from anger). At the end of the day, we were in a constant race against time – hating traffic- so we could touch each other with such unbridled passion.

Thus, that intense week passed.

At first, she used to say: “I’ve never felt this way”, “I didn’t know what an orgasm was until now”, “You make me reconsider things”, “You are the only woman I’ve felt attracted to”. Of course, I was stupidly flattered.

Next week, what she said started to change: “I’m not sure about this, I don’t know what to do”, “I can’t imagine my life with a woman”, “Even though I like it, it doesn’t feel like myself”, “I’m still straight but I like you”.

Finally, she stated: “I think it’s better if we stop this”, “I need to be alone, but I still want to see you”, “The truth is, I’m confused”, “I want to know more about you, get to know you, but nothing can happen now”, “I don’t regret, but this is not me”.

Now, she keeps calling at any time, any hour. She’s trying to explain why she didn’t answer the phone, or my messages, yesterday. She is trying not to end with this inevitable situation but her doubts are stronger than the start of a feeling. She wants me to get through a process that is not for me, which I don’t want to deal with either.

This is not for me. Seeing her going back with her ex, then breaking up with him after two weeks, hearing her knocking my door at midnight to give me her speech of “let’s be friends” so we could see each other every day, listening to her excuses to forgive her or feeling her jealousy for every girl I see… Is not for me. I’m over it. It never ends well.


No dear, we are not your last resort. We are not what your parents, your best friend or your favorite teacher wanted for you. We don’t touch you with a magic wand (or a magic finger) and make you happy forever. Being a girl doesn’t make us the best listeners, who will understand you perfectly (That is way beyond reality)

The myth that a woman touches you better because she knows your body isn’t true. Everything is about chemistry between the two of you.

Being with another woman is difficult because of the constant struggle in society. Is also difficult because we are two synchronized periods, full of drama. You can be a princess but I can be a princess, too. You just broke my heart a little bit. I’m about to block your number and never answer your calls or messages again, the same way you do when something bothers you.
A –lesbian- girl from work (#Yayyyyy), with a particular sense of humor, has asked me out on Saturday. I’ll say yes, maybe she can take away that horrible red Marlboro taste of my mouth.

Marianella Castro Robles.


Thank’s to:

Talented Art Paint: Andrea Barreda.

Great Translation and Int: Claudia Sandoval.